If a child lives with

My friend and I were talking one day. She is a mother of two very young children. She told me how she was noticing a how her oldest, a two year old girl, was so negative and argumentative in the past few months and strangely depressed too. She talked to friends and family about what was going on and got many different suggestions. As she continued to observe her young daughter, my friend realized that her daughter was reflecting her own feelings. My friend had been feeling frustrated, angry, depressed, and without realizing it was taking it out on her children. Being a little child, her daughter acted just like she was shown. When my friend realized this, she was shocked and didn’t know what to do. After a few days, she decided that she had to be a happy mom so that she could have happy children. In the beginning she had to fake her happiness but as she continued to do so, my friend DID become happier and saw good in her life again. She also noticed that her children were happy again too. Her new “Mommy Goal” is to always be a happy Mom.

As my friend spoke, I wondered what kind of mother I was. My second child, Zaya, 3 years old, is very smart, determined, independent, and strong willed, so much so that we often get into arguments. I want my way. She wants hers. I yell. She throws a tantrum. Wow, we are getting far! I then tried a new approach. I want to fix Zaya’s headband. She says, “No!” and gets ready to throw a fit. I get down on my knees and look her in the eyes and say, “This is such a pretty headband.” Zaya nods her head. “Let’s make it pretty on your head.” She lets me. It may seem like a longer way to do things but without a fit it was actually faster! Being quiet, calm, and happy made a HUGE difference. Yes, it does take patience and we don’t always have the “time” to be patient. BUT if we take the time now, it will make a difference when it really matters. I honestly worry about when Zaya is a teenager but if I make sure our communication is open now, I hope and pray that our communication will continue to be open when she is a teenager.
I have this poem in my journal that I got before I was married with kids:

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame, he learns to guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.

(“Children Learn What They Live,” by Dorothy Law Nolte)

What kind of mother are we? What are we really teaching our children? Being a good Mommy is the hardest job in the world! I have yet to meet a “Perfect Mom,” and I never will. I’ll always meet great, wonderful, fantastic, super, and “You” type of moms. So, like I always have to remind myself, “Just be the best that you can be.” May the force be with you in your “Mommy Adventures”. We are in this together, creating a world one child at a time.